she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
