We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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