one might say we're banned from that church
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
