I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
