***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
