god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Where is the hickey?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
