Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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