We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
