Pregnant stripper...not hot.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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