I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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