Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
