I must be too annoying 4 u.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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