I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
