She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
