sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You ruined the universe
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
