I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
