He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
