Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
