i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
