i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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