5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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