Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
