you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
