hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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