i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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