you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
