K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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