Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I pour the whiskey from now on
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