I wish my penis had an off switch
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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