the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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