i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
