fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
