Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
