It's Friday. Sex?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize