What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think people are normalizing furries
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
