i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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