The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize