I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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