yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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