Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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