They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
