So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
