Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
