WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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