my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
