Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
