My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
