those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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