Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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