Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
