I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
