Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
