Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
