remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Let's get the cat blown out
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
