I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Mom said you looked used
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
