Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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