i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
