Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
