you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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