i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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