you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
