what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize