dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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