Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
