you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
