There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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