He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
