So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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