I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
