ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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