Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think I sprained my soul last night
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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