Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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