those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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