help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
