Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
