They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
