She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize