You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
