I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
