I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
