I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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