I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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