I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
