If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
