I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
