There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
