just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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