They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
