my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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