i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
