did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
