one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
