we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We are two peas in an std pod
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
