i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
