please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
