did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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