Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
