Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
